MKOTBlog

Locust Walk Benches? You're doing it wrong.

I can only assume these benches were pushed over by a mob of shoppers as they battled each other on their way to the ATT store. Of course… because… yes, wait for it…

Today, a momentous day in history! The day… well, one day after the day, the iPhone 3G was released!

Now, during my blog’s short lifespan I guess I have already pointed out how crazy I think some people are, and this phenomenon certainly didn’t help my viewpoint. Granted, I will admit, the iPhone is pretty cool, with its “Twice as Fast, Half the Price” scheme and application updates. When I’ve played around with the iPod Touch, I was pretty impressed with its features, so I thought the iPhone would be a neat addition to my life.

But have you been watching the press coverage surrounding this? The following snippets that I’ve chosen come mostly from Canadian media, which made a HUGE deal out of this event, as this was the first ever iPhone release in Canada (we didn’t get it the first time around). Just like everywhere else, Canadians lined up for hours to get their new toys, despite the whole Rogers fiasco. Oh, and then look, just a day or two after, they miraculously decide to drop their prices! Hooray! Victory! Let’s go back out and buy the iPhone! This couldn’t possibly be a marketing strategy! Whoop-ee!

Here’s one from the Globe and Mail:

Congratulations, Mr. Christian Meagher, for being Canada’s first iPhone buyer! Enjoy your .0000000000015 seconds of fame. Oh, actually, maybe I’ll give you a couple more tenths of a second thanks to this quote:

“It’s a little weird,” admitted Mr. Meagher. “I don’t remember my first kiss but hopefully I’ll remember this.”

I guess the real congratulations go to this anonymous giver/receiver of this momentous kiss. Your special moment with Mr. Meagher has been replaced by an iPhone.

By about 10:30 a.m., shoppers waiting in line started complaining of sore feet and wondering whether they would even get a phone.

Well I wouldn’t worry about that. The new iPhone comes equipped with a foot massager.

Mr. Bruce, 21, joined the line at midnight, hoping to have his phone in hand by 10 a.m. Friday.

“I’m supposed to be at work right now,” he said at 12:15 p.m. as he rushed off to his job at Princess Margaret Hospital, moments after receiving his iPhone.

Fantastic. Although I can’t speculate what you do at the hospital, I pray, for the sake of humanity, that you are not a surgeon.

Maad Mian, 19, waited in line for almost 13 hours. He said he was irked that Rogers was not offering an unlimited data plan.

“I do have a problem with it, but what can I do — I really wanted the iPhone,” he said.

What can you do? Um, how about, just wait awhile?

Mr. Labelle-Stackhouse said he is particularly looking forward to using the GPS function. He already owns nine iPods.

Why? For what reason would you need nine iPods?

The Times Colonist:

“The crowd is cheering as people come out of the store with their phones.”

People, please, buying things is NOT an achievement to be celebrated. If you’re going to cheer for something wait until the Olympics.

The Financial Post:

Earlier on Friday in New Zealand, 22-year-old student Jonny Gladwell became the first iPhone owner.

Also known as the guy who had the least to do this night.

How about this article from the New York Times?

A man named Copernicus, 22, from Union City, who was underemployed, was willing to sell his spot in line (about No. 20) for 120 euros.

“Hey mom! I just waited overnight outside of the Apple store, lost my job in the process, and spent over $400 combined to get a better spot in line and to buy the phone, rendering the whole half price concept pointless! Oh, what? No, I’m not on my iPhone now… I couldn’t activate the service.”

And the winner, the quote that blew my mind! While describing the occupations of the people who were lined up outside of the New York Apple store:

Second most common occupation: tattoo artist, 3 of them. One was deaf.

Hold up. Deaf? I don’t want to comment on this since its pretty obvious and I seem to treading on dangerous territory, but… it’s a phone. I know it does a lot of other (visual) things, but… it’s a phone. I’m not making fun of deaf people. I’m only questioning this one deaf individual’s conscious choice to purchase a $200… phone. That’s like me buying a fighter jet. Sure, it looks really cool and I’m sure I’ll have fun pressing all the buttons, but I’m never going to use it for its intended purpose: flying (I have bad vision).

Anyways, that is a small sampling of the frenzy that took place today. My question is this; does Apple, among countless other companies that plan massively built-up release dates, design their products so that if is not purchased on the first day, it will transform itself into an inferior product? If not, what’s with this fanatic behavior? Am I missing something? Is there an advantage to getting it first? Is “waiting for an over-hyped product” something Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman regretted not adding to their “bucket list”?

And secondly, haven’t people learned anything? It’s been barely a year since the last iPhone was released. Only a few weeks ago I heard my friends who owned the first iPhones complaining about the new release, feeling cheated that they had to pay more money a year ago than they would have had to had they just waited. Now they’re back in line to purchase the new one!!! If Apple products have taught me anything, a new iPhone will be out, oh, I don’t know, by Christmas. And the cycle will happen again.

For the first time ever in my life, I think I can say I agree with a beekeeper:

Mike Kositsyn, a beekeeper for Ottawa Valley Honey who was selling his honey at the nearby Lansdowne Farmer’s Market, couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about.

“I think it’s a little bit ridiculous,” he said as he loaded the farmer’s market sandwich-board signs into his pickup truck. “I mean, it’s not like it’s a big concert or anything. It’s a phone, guys.”